feels like its been ages, since i said anything about my life.
monday, things were bad.
i really dont know, but looking back perhaps we do need this.
walking away, to sort thoughts out.
and that left the sky raining the whole week.
tuesday, impulsiveness of 5 minutes at swensens, which left the wound hurting.
why did you all act so surprised? could've just told me you already knew.
she cant keep secrets, i see.
and the sky fell. and i had to crawl out of the rubble myself,
the excruciation, to walk on, away from the tragedy waiting to happen.
many questions, self-doubt, blames, uncertainty.
added on stress from deadlines, choices, more uncertainty.
wednesday, liong walked into vulnerability he never knew existed.
strengthening hurt, but it helped a bit.
first time in ages, the glint of metal subtly missing.
thursday, crashing with val. thanks a million for your views
held them like ribbons in the typhoon.
and she held me so tightly in her words.
friday, coccooned in empathy with xuan
never so comfortable, yet always so.
music and lyrics, so aptly put it soaked up brine
dont write me off, just yet.
i hope that said something for you, where everywhere i go i see your face
i feel your presence, sensing your gait in walk.
picturing you where we were, from bpp to orchard,
that entire stretch, we've been to every one of it.
to hug your clothes and cry.
saturday, clearing a few doubts, screwing up so many things
when i realised how it feels like to stop breathing
the moment i reached to top of the stairs to see you coming down.
awkwardness, the pain in reaching out to emptiness.
turning away, like im just another face in the crowd.
distracted in the business talk, where my mind followed you all the way out of the gate
or maybe into the crowds?
or maybe...?
and the hurt gave rise to hugh grant's soulful renditions, elliciting a response that made my heart jump.
and i dont want any more contact, as long as its rail online.
wondering still, when i'd see the stretching end of silence
afraid of settling, gradually, into this space, this solitude.
my balloon's deflating, still straining towards the sky
tell me, before i can no longer read those words in felt marker.
are you happier this way, by yourself? becaused ive missed you, so so much.
sunday's chase haunted memories walking around 502, nevermore.
and when the agony's reduced to a dull ache,
its time to sort thoughts out. not yet things, just thoughts and feelings.
i feel like closing up, the mimosa has its arguments
dont touch me, ive given you so much, put in so much too.
i can cope with that me who's past, pretense and facades you cant come to terms with.
because only you can make you see,
that entrypoints and touching someone's heart was a neccessary starting
that you cant make one lose all other feelings just because you started another
but when it gradually outshone everything else, amidst flight and fights
when it came to be eventually, please live in the present.
and im here without you, still waiting for a comeback.
for you to realise i was here all along since, because enveloped by uncertainty
is affirmation of how i feel, what i believed in you.
cant make me sad? no, you've succeeded so well.
ive just hid it all from you, as always that i hide when im hurt.
so now i'll show you these scars you've left,
that im not that weak, i can live with it, these weaknesses and flaws of yours.
you are selfish too, even as i know i am
you craving good feeling, security, pampering and attention.
those times werent enough for you were they?
maybe you need a change to know im not such a lousy candidate.

___
so here it is.
goodbye to one part of you.
i hope we remain gd friends, strong friends, close friends.
and i hope you'll be there for me thru thick and thin
as i know, promise i will be for you.

and along with this overwhelming grief comes a sense of peace.
its over...